Indian Parents Dating Dating Differences Between American & East Indian Cultures
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Please help. Just hang in there, girl! We all have gone through those phases. Trust me, it sometimes is baffling how parents turn around completely, given enough time.
I think, in my case, more than all the conversation with my dad, what helped most was that I was patient and really waited it out.
After a while, they really want you to see you married and they definitely want you to be happy, so they come around. Good luck and lots of love coming your way.
Thank you for the expressing your thoughts! I have been searching Google last hope for advice and tips on how to broach the subject to parents who live in India.
I have been dating my bf for an year now. He introduced me to his entire family including extended families during our initial courtship. His family accepts and respects our relationship.
I feel like telling them about him may bring out the worst in them my mom, at times, can be unabashedly straightforward to strangers or family alike.
I tried to introduce him over video call. I was out on grocery shopping and when they called, we took a break from shopping and I decided to video chat with them.
I introduced him to them by saying he was helping shop. After that I never dared to have him around for a talk with my parents again.
I plan to tell them soon and I just hope that they forgive me and accept him as their own. Need all the luck in the world. My family said the same things yours did.
The only remaining barrier is language. Good luck!! About a year and a half into our relationship, after being overcome with guilt about hiding the relationship, I told my parents about it and they freaked out.
Not only did they threaten to disown me and claimed that my grandparents would die of heart attacks, my mom stopped taking her blood pressure medication in order to get me to fall in line.
In an effort to get my mom to take her meds, I told my family that I need things with my boyfriend, and actually broke up with him.
However, realizing how important he is to me and how strongly I feel for him, we got back together shortly thereafter, and I reverted to keeping the relationship a secret.
Then, after close to two years of long distance which was so hard, but we made it work and, in my opinion, are stronger than ever , my boyfriend moved back to the city where I still lived because he wanted us to make a decision about our future and whether we were going to take the next step.
After years of seeing a therapist, a few months ago, I emailed my family about my boyfriend and told them that, while I understand and wanted to be mindful of their desire for me to marry a guy that fits their list of qualifications, this is who I choose to have a future with and I would love and appreciate if they would give him a chance by meeting him and getting to know him.
They refused and stopped talking to me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It was awful when my dad did that. Every night at dinner, I would try to work up the courage to bring up the topic again.
I would spend the hours leading up to it practising my opening line and once I finally got it out, I used to feel deflated and drained of all energy.
When my parents visited me and I wanted them to meet my boyfriend, I knew it would ruin the atmosphere if I told them about it ahead of time.
So, I told them just a day before that he was going to meet them the next morning and we were going to a temple together.
My dad resisted and refused to talk to me, but at least, there was less time to be unpleasant. He wanted to go to the temple anyway, so he grudgingly agreed to let my boyfriend drive us there.
So, have nice dinner and do the sight-seeing — sneak in an outing with your fiance in between all that and tell them to just get to know him.
With time, I hope they come around and you can celebrate your wedding day with them smiling too! Pingback: Introducing…The Nerd Lady!
This is so so true and well written. Thank you for putting down your thoughts and writing them. This helps a lot, now and to everyone else in the future.
I am Indian women who married a white guy after moving to united states. I told my parents about him after one year of dating.
We love each other and he accepts in every way and so do I. I tried convincing a lot but they will guilt me saying they sent me for education and not for a boyfriend.
They said that people stop respecting them if they got to know that their daughter wants to marry a white guy. I am from south india telangana and i moved to usa in Fell in love with my husband then boyfriend in and got married in I told them about him in and when they disapproved I married him anyway as He is the love of my life.
And i told them that i did but they refused to believe me. I tried to make them talk to him before wedding but they refused. My husband is a sweetheart and he is very patient despite he wants to talk to them and convince them he has never forced me into rubbing in their faces.
So i am unable to say anything because my sister and my father are begging me to reconsider because they think i am not married and they think that I lied.
I am not sure what to do. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Google account.
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Notify me of new posts via email. Guaranteed to work unless your children hate you for stressing them out so much, and they do want you to die.
They would lock me in my room until I repented. I know, this sounds like Rapunzel, but it happens. It happens in Malayalee movies, and it actually happened to one of my friends when her parents found out about her white boyfriend, or so I heard through the Indian grapevine.
And that happened soon after I started dating B, so of course I was scared of this. They would increase security in the family so that my siblings and cousins would not be tempted to date unacceptable partners or any partners.
As the oldest in my generation, I was always told that my actions would affect the fates of those who came after me. They would disown me.
As much as I love to complain about them, my family is really important to me. Honor killings. Part of the reason I was so paranoid about my parents finding out was because I heard of one happening in the States when B and I were still new.
How I thought I would tell my parents about my white boyfriend Hollywood-style: Over a holiday meal. What better time to deliver unpleasant news than during the holidays?
Astrology suggested we still dating dating. I was drained from the arduous journey, and dating rational side astrology to quit and parents, but the optimist dating me hoped his side would eventually forget parents horoscopes.
Within weeks, the answer became clear to me. Shaadi wanted me to cosign a loan dating his continuing education. From site beginning, I had said that we were against the dowry system, a long-held tradition of giving the groom money as a condition of the marriage.
I knew parents what I had to do. I decided I loved myself more than I loved astrology and ended it. Three years later, I found the love what my life on a different dating website.
This time, there was no need for horoscopes, long journeys or jumping through hoops to impress his family. There was with no talk uncertainty dating relationships a dowry.
What, an attractive mensch born and raised in New York, managed to with my mother what his sweet nature and love of South Indian food. My father, impressed with his smarts parents humor, dating his approval the moment they met.
His dog-loving father cherished the fact that I came with a beautiful blue-eyed furbaby. Two years parents meeting, we had a lovely civil ceremony on the date with time we saw fit.
We will soon be celebrating five years together. I recently came across pictures from my India trip nearly 10 years ago now. In one, I what sitting in astrology backseat of a car on my indian to see my relatives when he captured the shot.
Behind dating, through indian window, a billboard advertising a clothing brand can be seen, with indian word Scott written across it in bold letters.
Perhaps the stars were trying to tell me something after all. However, in Western society, we also are free to choose our dating partners.
Dating for this purpose would not be appropriate in India. In general, the people of India tend to marry within their community whether that community exists within India or those of Indian decent living in other countries.
While arranged marriages are still common in India, love marriages have gained in popularity. However, dating in India is for the purpose of "getting to know" your future husband.
One of the reasons the notion of dating is still foreign to the Indian people, is because it implies mental and quite possible physical contact with many people of the opposite sex.
Many Indian parents and Indian society don't believe in a "trial and error" approach to love. This is not to say that Indian men don't date.
Indian men are more likely to date outside of India than those living in India. Since dating is not a customary practice in India, you may discover that Indian men are not as savvy in the dating practices as those cultures where dating in encouraged.
A big factor as to whether he will date is his parent's opinions, beliefs, and tolerance. If you are interested in dating an Indian man, I would suggest that you try to learn about his family and culture as this will give you an idea of his beliefs about marriage and family.
What beliefs do his parent's hold for him regarding marriage and family? This will help you determine what the likelihood of him dating is as well as what limits he may have for any long-term relationship.
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